About to get deep y'all....

Today's blog post is about something deep for me. So deep, I am admitting it to the world. Be prepared world.

I AM A HELICOPTER MOM & I AM SICK OF APOLOGIZING FOR IT!

There. I said it. Now, let me explain why this is HUGE for me.

First off, I did not start out with the idea that I was going to be a helicopter parent. I really tried for the first 18 months to let my daughter explore, be independent, find her own style & flair in this crazy world & run with it. But like a bomb going off in my world, T1D reared it's ugly head & our lives were forever changed.

Izzy was diagnosed at 18 months old, still a baby. To me, that means every milestone we would've been working on, every ounce of independence we were beginning to give her... well, I lost sight of. I focused more on blood sugar & counting carbs. Goodness knows how many hours I have spent over the last 10 months dealing with T1D, instead of playing, reading, laughing... I've spent 10 months keeping my baby alive... & hovering.

My husband would probably say I had some helicopter qualities from day one (I am a tad OCD & type A so it just goes with the personality!). I would like to think that I tried very hard to be more free range. But no matter, here I am today, a helicopter Mom.

I don't let Izzy run around without me at the park. I don't let her out of my sight at the softball fields. I still spoon feed her at times because it's just easier... & she still sits in a high chair so she doesn't get into things at meal time. I still wipe down every surface with a Clorox wipe - or baby wipe if we aren't at home - because I know firsthand how hard it is for a T1D child to battle germs. I desperately ensure the proper educational tools are at Izzy's fingertips, so she can thrive & grow as a toddler. I get annoyed when my hubby doesn't watch Izzy like a hawk - which is probably more annoying to him then he will ever admit, bless his heart!

I am sick of other parents criticizing a helicopter Mom for being who they are. I would never criticize a free range Mom, heck I am envious they have - what I believe to be - that luxury. So why are we all so quick to judge one another?!

So when you see me out, don't judge me because I hover. Know that 90% of the time, I am just trying to keep her Dexcom close enough to read her blood sugar & ensure she isn't going low. I want what's best for my daughter, just like any parent out there wants for their kids, no matter their parenting techniques.

No matter what your parenting style is... never apologize for it.

I am a warrior!

As the school year ended I thought we'd have a quiet couple of weeks before summer camps & softball started back up. Sadly, I was wrong (why yes the softball coach decided to start practice TWO WEEKS earlier then we were originally told!!). I also didn't expect to be thrown yet another curve ball.

When Izzy was diagnosed with T1D, I struggled. Heck, I still struggle 10 months later. The 7 stages of grief?! Try 72... because I have repeated those steps over & over again. And when you finally think you have a grasp on things, life throws you another thing to the never ending list.

As many do not know, a couple weeks ago we took Izzy for a speech evaluation. My hubby told me I was overreacting. My family told me it wasn't necessary, she was fine. The pediatrician said we could either wait things out or go for the eval. Our endo was a tad concerned though... No one around me seemed to grasp that I knew something was not right though. Last week, I was told Izzy was being diagnosed with a "developmental delay" following that speech eval. Although anywhere in the 2-3yo age range is where they want to see the mastery of certain sounds, etc. she was still far behind her peers at 2.5yo.

My kid talks. She talks your ear off. But you can't understand 90% of what she is saying. I know the words. My hubby knows the words. But as I look around us at play groups, dance class, story time... she should be saying these easy words that others say, yet it's all gibberish.

After this diagnosis, it was decided she would begin a weekly music speech therapy group & 1:1 sessions every 2-3 weeks. I am fine with that idea. I have tools given to me by professionals.

I have to admit, I've been ashamed that this is going on. I feel like I've done something wrong or somehow done a disservice to Izzy because she cannot say basic words.

I vented to a friend & previous co-worker in the child welfare arena... She said just what I needed to hear, "You are strong. You are a warrior." And she is right! I have come so far with T1D. I will take on this new obstacle & somehow find the strength to master it as well.

It's not easy being told your child isn't developing the way she should. It isn't easy knowing that things are different for her. I have promised myself I will never let my child be a victim of T1D & I won't let another hurdle stand in her way of achieving great things.

I know I need support, so I am reaching out to my own network - which has grown quite small over the last 2 years. If you, too, are going through any stressors in life that you feel ashamed of... DON'T! We are all warriors. We all have an inner strength, sometimes it takes awhile to hone in on it, but it is there. Know that you are not alone in whatever your struggle is, because there is always someone out there who understands.

I hope everyone takes a moment to hug their babies closer & has a great week! I know I will be doing just that.