About to get deep y'all....

Today's blog post is about something deep for me. So deep, I am admitting it to the world. Be prepared world.

I AM A HELICOPTER MOM & I AM SICK OF APOLOGIZING FOR IT!

There. I said it. Now, let me explain why this is HUGE for me.

First off, I did not start out with the idea that I was going to be a helicopter parent. I really tried for the first 18 months to let my daughter explore, be independent, find her own style & flair in this crazy world & run with it. But like a bomb going off in my world, T1D reared it's ugly head & our lives were forever changed.

Izzy was diagnosed at 18 months old, still a baby. To me, that means every milestone we would've been working on, every ounce of independence we were beginning to give her... well, I lost sight of. I focused more on blood sugar & counting carbs. Goodness knows how many hours I have spent over the last 10 months dealing with T1D, instead of playing, reading, laughing... I've spent 10 months keeping my baby alive... & hovering.

My husband would probably say I had some helicopter qualities from day one (I am a tad OCD & type A so it just goes with the personality!). I would like to think that I tried very hard to be more free range. But no matter, here I am today, a helicopter Mom.

I don't let Izzy run around without me at the park. I don't let her out of my sight at the softball fields. I still spoon feed her at times because it's just easier... & she still sits in a high chair so she doesn't get into things at meal time. I still wipe down every surface with a Clorox wipe - or baby wipe if we aren't at home - because I know firsthand how hard it is for a T1D child to battle germs. I desperately ensure the proper educational tools are at Izzy's fingertips, so she can thrive & grow as a toddler. I get annoyed when my hubby doesn't watch Izzy like a hawk - which is probably more annoying to him then he will ever admit, bless his heart!

I am sick of other parents criticizing a helicopter Mom for being who they are. I would never criticize a free range Mom, heck I am envious they have - what I believe to be - that luxury. So why are we all so quick to judge one another?!

So when you see me out, don't judge me because I hover. Know that 90% of the time, I am just trying to keep her Dexcom close enough to read her blood sugar & ensure she isn't going low. I want what's best for my daughter, just like any parent out there wants for their kids, no matter their parenting techniques.

No matter what your parenting style is... never apologize for it.

I am a warrior!

As the school year ended I thought we'd have a quiet couple of weeks before summer camps & softball started back up. Sadly, I was wrong (why yes the softball coach decided to start practice TWO WEEKS earlier then we were originally told!!). I also didn't expect to be thrown yet another curve ball.

When Izzy was diagnosed with T1D, I struggled. Heck, I still struggle 10 months later. The 7 stages of grief?! Try 72... because I have repeated those steps over & over again. And when you finally think you have a grasp on things, life throws you another thing to the never ending list.

As many do not know, a couple weeks ago we took Izzy for a speech evaluation. My hubby told me I was overreacting. My family told me it wasn't necessary, she was fine. The pediatrician said we could either wait things out or go for the eval. Our endo was a tad concerned though... No one around me seemed to grasp that I knew something was not right though. Last week, I was told Izzy was being diagnosed with a "developmental delay" following that speech eval. Although anywhere in the 2-3yo age range is where they want to see the mastery of certain sounds, etc. she was still far behind her peers at 2.5yo.

My kid talks. She talks your ear off. But you can't understand 90% of what she is saying. I know the words. My hubby knows the words. But as I look around us at play groups, dance class, story time... she should be saying these easy words that others say, yet it's all gibberish.

After this diagnosis, it was decided she would begin a weekly music speech therapy group & 1:1 sessions every 2-3 weeks. I am fine with that idea. I have tools given to me by professionals.

I have to admit, I've been ashamed that this is going on. I feel like I've done something wrong or somehow done a disservice to Izzy because she cannot say basic words.

I vented to a friend & previous co-worker in the child welfare arena... She said just what I needed to hear, "You are strong. You are a warrior." And she is right! I have come so far with T1D. I will take on this new obstacle & somehow find the strength to master it as well.

It's not easy being told your child isn't developing the way she should. It isn't easy knowing that things are different for her. I have promised myself I will never let my child be a victim of T1D & I won't let another hurdle stand in her way of achieving great things.

I know I need support, so I am reaching out to my own network - which has grown quite small over the last 2 years. If you, too, are going through any stressors in life that you feel ashamed of... DON'T! We are all warriors. We all have an inner strength, sometimes it takes awhile to hone in on it, but it is there. Know that you are not alone in whatever your struggle is, because there is always someone out there who understands.

I hope everyone takes a moment to hug their babies closer & has a great week! I know I will be doing just that. 

School is almost out... JUMP FOR JOY!!

In past years, it was never a secret I dreaded summer. The inevitable "entertain me" attitudes from K & K, the still-waking-up-at-the-butt-crack-of-dawn mentality they had, having to ensure the house was readily stocked with snacks because otherwise they would eat me out of house & home, wondering how to keep to Izzy's schedule while making sure I didn't lose my marbles. Well, this year is different.

I am soooooooooo excited summer is almost here. They have fooooooooour more days of school. (Can you tell I am excited?! Ha.)

The last couple of weeks I have been helping the school plan this...

OSCAR NIGHT 2015

It has been a crazy year, with school events, sports, chorus... not only do I need a break, but I am pretty sure the older girls do too. Izzy could use some sisterly time. I could use some stay-in-my-pjs-until-noon time. We still have sports in the summer & camp, but there's breaks, & it just seems EASY.  At least I hope it is.

I am working more too. I need T1D Dad's help a lot more these days. He is a trooper! :)

Although I am looking forward to having some time with T1D Dad the next couple of days... I am just sooooooo ready for it to be Friday. Bring on the summer!

What do you have planned for the summer?? Share with me via www.fb.com/lifeofat1dmama!

Happy Mother's Day!

I have spent many hours today wondering what to post... what to say to truly empower T1D mama's... to give thanks to a thankless job. I have stared at a blank blog page, while answering 911 calls at another thankless job, most of the day.

As usual, I worked today. A split shift, so I got the late morning/early afternoon off before returning to work. My family took my very amazing mama & I out to lunch, Izzy managed not to have a meltdown, Kaylee only burped once loudly at the table, and my sister (who is childless) got a special mothers day cake from the staff (& of course I in return asked if she had something to tell us!).

I got cards, flowers, homemade gifts from the kids, & not one but TWO bottles of Skinnygirl margarita (to which my hubby explained was a BOGO deal brought to his attention by the fine staff at Safeway - thanks Safeway gal!).

I got to rest in bed, mindlessly checking Facebook on my phone, before returning to work tonight.

Looking back at motherhood, it's tough. I took on the job of loving two girls who were not mine, who deserved nothing short of an amazing mama, & I have done my best to show them what a loving family is. I take care of our home (alright so the play room looks like tornado Izzy swept through it right now), cook, do laundry, & then add in Izzy. She's a NORMAL toddler, with NORMAL toddler behavior. I wouldn't trade her spunk for the world. Motherhood is one hell of a roller coaster, it's not for the weak, it takes patience, strength, and devotion.

Then you add in type one to the mix. Holy moly!

Today I have had several people tell me they don't know how I do it. I have had them say I handle it all with such courage & grace. I am so strong. Well, thank you... but I do not feel this way. I am a HOT MESS! Aren't we all?!

I follow the "Princess and The Pump" blog religiously. I find strength in her words. Today her blog post says what I have been trying to put into words. So I share the message with you:

"I see the you that drags into a darkened bedroom in the middle of the night to test a blood sugar.
I see the you that fights with the insurance company.
I see the you that gets up after only a couple hours of sleep and goes to work all day long.
I see the you still cries - no matter how long it's been.
I see the you whose heart breaks when your child isn't included in something because of T1.
I see the you with tears in your eyes when you have to hold your child down for a shot.
I see the you that is afraid of what might happen in the future.
I see the you that is full of nerves and apprehension - but still a smile - when your T1 is gaining independence.
I still the you that does everything possible to make sure your child is able to do what everyone else does.
I see the you that tirelessly advocates and fundraisers.
I see the you that hurts because of friendships you've lost with people who don't understand this life and it's demands.
I see the you that is letdown - again - when someone you thought would step up and be there for you... isn't.
I see the you that puts everyone else first.
I see the you that thinks that no one notices how hard this job is.  That no one asks how YOU are.  
I see the you that wonders if YOU even exist anymore."

I couldn't have said it better, so I won't say anything else.

Happy Mother's Day!

Just another week in the life...

Just when you think life can't get more crazy, it totally does. I mean, why not add on a few more things to the endless to do list & the sleep deprived nights, right?!

Last week was NUTS. There really aren't words to describe it. Izzy's sugar was OUT OF CONTROL. Fighting lows, chasing highs. I was on a roller coaster. I have come to the realization I will never get a full nights sleep again... but still not coping well with the intermittent, 5 hours of sleep nights in 1-2 hour increments.

Thursday we missed dance class because Izzy & I were up all night. Have you seen my FB post about Caillou? I may loathe that whiny little booger, but he got us through the night with re-runs on demand. I swore up & down I won't let Izzy miss out on things because of this disease, but lets be real, it was best to just let her sleep from 7-10am & start over next week.

Friday I was still battling my exhaustion. I was on edge. I heard from our endo, we are now going to drive down to UMC weekly to meet with them to get Izzy's sugar under control. Or as best as "under control" can get for a growing toddler. It's at least a 30 minute drive one way, but worth it if we can make some positive changes.

Friday evening, with Keira at a friend's house & Kaylee gone to her softball game with her Daddy, I decided it was time to have some fun & let Izzy be "free" for a hot minute. I detached her pump, left the CGM receiver inside, put her bathing suit on, & we headed to the backyard to play with her new water table.  Needless to say - we both needed to let loose.  Can you tell she had fun?

Saturday was a good day... & we ended it with a T1D get together that I helped plan, local families in the park, meeting new people. We had dinner out, Izzy ran around like crazy, we met another family with a little girl around Izzy's age, & bonus - they only live 10 minutes away! There will be many more local events, & I am thrilled to say I will be a part of the planning to ensure myself & others have support in one another.

What I take away from the chaos that has been the last week, is that with it all I will be okay. Izzy will be okay. Sometimes I just need to take a step back, breathe, have fun, & see that there is a plan for every card we are dealt.

Just another week in the life...

Today's world...

Today's post is something I didn't think would weigh so heavily on me, yet it does. It also isn't a topic I thought would pop into the picture for years to come. Today's deep topic is...

Ignorance & closed mindedness!

Like I said, deep. So let's get to it.

I didn't think that at 2 years old, my baby girl would be shown any form of discrimination. I use this word somewhat loosely, as I am not even sure what to call what I have seen recently. Discrimination just seems to be the first term that comes to mind.

When we are out at the store, and someone approaches us asking questions about Izzy's insulin pump or her CGM, I don't ever think twice about taking the time to educate them. I hope that by me doing this small deed of education, maybe it'll open up their eyes. Recently, I educated a cashier, who after having what I would call was a good informative conversation, took about 100 steps back and stated she couldn't be diabetic because she loves her chocolate too much. Thanks to that Safeway gal, I was rendered speechless. As if my 2 year old had a choice in the matter, she just woke up one day and said I don't like chocolate I am going to be diabetic. Oh you silly woman. Truth be told, I should walk away from all the instances of ignorance and move on to those times when I got through to someone and week after week we saw them and they'd continue to use the knowledge as power to educate others (my BFF from Target Maria - LOVE her to pieces - okay it helps she gives Izzy stickers every time we see her). But instead I do stay somewhat fixated on how dumb people can be.

After Izzy was diagnosed, the people who reached out were not necessarily those I expected. The ones who didn't reach out, that is what hurt the most, they were the ones I expected to stand beside me. Most of those who didn't reach out, I have no idea where they are today. People I hardly knew, but only through acquaintances or co-workers wives, reached out, touched base, sent words of wisdom to get us through. Although some I (to put it frankly) suck at staying in touch with, I still appreciate those little acts. The person who delivered a bag of items I never would've thought would help us get through a 5 day stay in the hospital. I didn't think of a notebook, coloring book and Breathsavers as so important, but it was. The person who came out to the JDRF One Walk for Team Izzy, but didn't know anyone else there, and brought along her family to show support for my baby girl that she had only met once. The neighbor who made us meals because we hadn't slept in days.  Let me say, these things stick with you. No matter how much time in between talking to these people, they made a difference in our lives then.

The true reason for this blog post is that I never thought closed mindedness would lie within those I associate myself with. I could rant on for days about this... but today I am here to vent, let it out, and hope that this blog serves as a form of therapy.

My 2 year old recently has been excluded from activities with other kids she used to play with. We have seen a decline in family friends inviting us for gatherings. And then it hit us - okay me! - like a brick to the face, through the grapevine it was rumored that no one knew what Izzy could or could not do, or eat, or if she was healthy enough... so her diabetes stopped the friendships, and has curbed relationships I thought we were building on.

It hurts. I suppose I expected it to happen when she was school age and other kids parents didn't understand. But not now. I mean, really?!?

My child can and will do great things.  She loves to dance, sing, play in her kitchen, color on the walls (okay, eat the crayons from time to time), climb onto the dining room table, watch Sesame Street while she shrieks "Elmo!". My baby girl can do ANYTHING she wants to do. And I will continue to let her. She can eat what she wants (within reason, I do keep it fairly healthy around here!) - I just have to give her insulin. Yes I am a hot mess when we go out, counting carbs can be tedious, but I do go out. We try to give Izzy some sense of normalcy.

Izzy is not, and will never be, a victim. She is a warrior. Izzy is my hero.

I have not lost my marbles... yet...

Wow.  Has it truly been since December that I blogged???  Well I could promise to get better about things, but anyone who is a parent knows life gets chaotic at times.

So today's blog post is all about survival.  Surviving life as a parent day by day.  Surviving as a T1D parent day by day.  Let's face it, although T1D controls most of my life, whether you have a small child with it, a teenager, you yourself face it, or you are just another parent along for the crazy ride, I think most people can relate to the struggles a parent faces.  Albeit, mine are a tad different then the average stay at home mama.  But everyone has their own struggles, right?  So what are YOU doing to help yourself stay sane?

We are all guilty of not taking care of ourselves from time to time.  We are sleep deprived, work too much, live off coffee & humorous mommy blogs to get us by.... oh c'mon I am not the only one who has certain blogs she follows for daily humor to keep my mind off things!

I am here to let you all know, I survived a 9 day vacation with 3 months worth of diabetes supplies, a 15 hour drive to & from our destination, driving in what I can only call a slushy freeze storm, my little toddler with T1D stressing like crazy, plus my older step-daughters, AND lucky me, my sanity is STILL in tact.  See.  Survival.  How did I do it??  Ok, so I have this amazing thing called a husband who knows when I have hit my limit & takes over.

So my list for survival:

#1: Support system!  This doesn't have to be a significant other, it can be a friend, family, whatever works.  For me, I am lucky enough to have a husband who knows when I have hit my limit & just can't do anymore.  He takes over.  Now when he is at work, & I call him hysterical at midnight because I am tired & Izzy's blood sugar isn't cooperating & I am freaked out, not much he can do other than tell me "it'll all be ok!"  But we are a team.  I am lucky to have him, & I know it.  Even if he drives me NUTS at times.

#2: Me time!  We are all guilty of forgetting to take care of ourselves.  Find a little time in the day, whether it's watching tv, a pedicure, eating an actual *gasp* meal, or just sitting on your butt to stare into space for 20 minutes.  Do it!  No excuses!  Kids eventually go to bed & you can take a few minutes of quiet to do something for you.

#3: EAT!  Right after Izzy was diagnosed, if I hadn't had friends & family bringing over meals & MAKING me eat, I would've gone days without an actual meal.  It's called malnutrition, & although the weight loss was nice when I forgot to eat or stressed too much to eat, it wasn't healthy.  On the same note, beware of the dreaded binge eating aka stress eating.  Like last night, sleep deprived, stressed, I made & managed to eat delicious lemon bars.  Mmmm.... BUT today I will have a salad, & I won't go home to eat the ENTIRE pan that is sitting in our fridge later.  So although I recommend eating, also knowing the limits & eating well balanced is super important.

#4: Therapy.  I will admit been to a therapist, worked through issues, probably need to go back.  It doesn't have to be a traditional setting, but having someone to vent to is important to keeping sanity in tact.

#5: Make a list, check it twice!  I am the queen of to-do lists.  They are on my phone, ipad, post it's, fridge.  I love the feeling of scratching something off the list, makes me feel like I actually got something accomplished.  Plus, it keeps me on task & organized.


There are so many more things I do to survive.  I am also ALWAYS in need of new ways to keep organized.  One of the things I have found is that my OCD nature does come in handy as a parent, but sometimes I can go overboard & need to loosen up a tad.

Conclusion: Do what you have to do to make it.  & don't be alone in the struggles as a parent, T1D mama, or just an adult (because I know my 27 year old sister is reading this right now - yes these same tips do apply to you!).  Not everything I suggest or say will help someone, but it works for us.  It helps me get through.  I am fortunate enough that I haven't gone totally insane yet, & I chalk that up to a win.