A letter to parents everywhere...

After weeks of sickness in our home, & finding out it's not just me that has been dealing with these parenting struggles... I wrote a letter to parents at my daughters preschool. Unfortunately it was not approved to be dispersed among their class, so I am posting it as a letter now for parents EVERYWHERE. Whether you are a parent who may not fully grasp what it means to be "immune compromised," or you're the parent struggling because your child has been out sick for 2 weeks - please read this.

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Dear Parents,

Many of you have seen the notes in the weekly newsletter from school asking you to keep your sick child home. They have been sent home week after week, in case you missed it. I am almost certain you've glanced at the letter from our school nurse, reminding parents of what being sick means. You’ve heard the terms “immune compromised children” thrown around a time or two (or ten!). You may have even had the teacher ask that your child with a runny nose or a slight cough not attend school, even though you are already at school with your child & you have a very busy day ahead of you.

I am writing this letter to explain what this all means as a parent of one of those “immune compromised children.” When you don’t think much of your child’s grogginess & congestion, when you think a slight runny nose is ok, or a small cough that comes & goes… I am begging you to think twice! That 24 hour fever-free, vomit-free rule is there FOR A REASON! It is there to protect children like mine.

My child is “immune compromised.” For us this means, whatever germs she comes in contact with, she cannot easily fight off. Sure, she comes in contact with germs every single day, no matter what. But illness becomes very scary when she comes in contact with a common cold, the stomach flu, or just a basic runny nose. This can be prevented if you keep your child home when they are ill. No child wants to come to school sick anyways, they need rest.

In the fall, my child came into contact with another child with a virus. Within 24 hours her body could not fight the bug off. She became lethargic & passed out in my arms – this was one of the scariest moments as her mom. I rushed her to the hospital. She had begun to develop acid in her blood & urine (known as ketones) & ended up admitted to Diamond Children’s at UMC. She was at risk of a seizure, cardiac arrest, complications from blood sugar being too high, & potentially ending up in a coma. THIS is our real life EVERY TIME she gets sick.

Two weeks ago my daughter came in contact with a virus & became ill again. What did this mean this time? Her blood sugar spiked, causing her to feel faint, nauseas, cranky, & that acid in her urine & blood (ketones) returned. She was at risk of ending up back at UMC with diabetic ketoacidosis, a condition that can KILL my child within hours. She isn’t at risk because we can’t handle her conditions at home; she’s at risk because despite our best efforts, sometimes no matter how many sleepless nights for us as parents, sickness doesn’t play fair with an immune compromised child.

I do not write this letter to scare other parents. I am merely trying to explain that what may take a healthy child 1-2 days to get over, can take an immune compromised child 7-10 days, or have detrimental effects that can last a lifetime. I write this letter to please ask that if you are wondering if your child is well enough for school, perhaps they need that extra day to rest & get rid of their runny nose or cough. PLEASE listen to the AMAZING school staff who are trying to keep each & every child (& staff member) healthy!

If your child is sick, or has been sick in the last 24 hours, PLEASE KEEP THEM HOME! For an immune compromised child, this is very serious & life threatening.

Sincerely,

"Just another parent"

Miss Judgy McJudgykins

Every mother has experienced their fair share of moments when they just CAN'T. They just can't do another play date on 3 hours of sleep. They just can't meet up for coffee with a screaming 2yo in tow - AGAIN. They can't make it to happy hour because their husband has picked up more OT. They can't make it to the gym because they haven't slept & have to take their kids to the doctor. They can't struggle with potty training one more night. They can't take a shower because a 20 minute power nap sounds so much more enticing.

Then, in the midst of all the sleep deprived "I just cannot do one more thing" moments they meet Miss Judgy McJudgykins. You know her. We have ALL felt her stares.

She's the mom who is perfectly put together 24/7/365. She is the mom who makes it to the gym not once but twice a day. She carries on conversations about her amazing vacations & her amazing children, who have never struggled with picky eating or potty training. She will gladly tell you you make too many excuses. She will happily give you her hairdressers card as she stares at the cheerios atop your "up-do." And she will always walk away with an air about her like she is so much better then you, making you feel so very small.

I give her kudos. Kudos for having a perfect life. Kudos for always finding time to shower, do her hair & makeup. Kudos for getting her workout in every day. Let's be real, I haven't showered in 2 days thanks to sleep deprivation & the amazingness that is called type 1 diabetes. I am lucky to get a decent meal in, & lately it involves veggies & hummus so I don't feel so bad I haven't got my workout in.

I think we are all guilty at some point of judging moms. But why?? Why do we feel that somehow we will feel better about our own lives if we somehow belittle others & give them the judgy stares??

It's a new year. So why not try to judge others less. We need friends, not judgement. So to all the Miss Judgy McJudgykins out there - could ya stop already?! Whatever your deal is with having to feel better then others, or not putting yourself in others shoes, or flat out LYING (because c'mon EVERY kid hates quinoa at 2 years old!)... on behalf of mother's everywhere who are feeling a bit like we want to throat punch you, please take a step back & change your judgy ways as we enter 2016.

Hey its a new year... why not a new you?

Reflecting...

Over the last few weeks I have done a lot of reflecting on 2015. I may not always post on Facebook daily, or blog often (Ok so it's been since June! Horrible I know!), or even keep in touch with my family like I should... but that is because life is messy, complicated, & I got many "well you're just making excuses" comments from people in our lives for going MIA.

So here are the cliff notes from 2015:

• Izzy turned 2! We welcomed full blown toddler life & diabetes - & while it has been a roller coaster, including the "Terrible 2's," I wouldn't trade a day of it for the world. And can I mention Izzy will be 3 soon & I am freaking out that I have a 3 year old!!?
• We managed to make it out to see family in Oklahoma twice - both times we got stuck in ice storm conditions! I also got to share in my husband spending Thanksgiving back in Oklahoma for the first time in 16 years! He was so happy, & I was happy that we made the road trip to spend the holiday with his family.
• I became more involved with a local T1D group. After months of trying to plan events, family get togethers, coffee meetups, & play dates, I did have to finally take a step back & lessen what I was doing locally. Some days you really just need to take time for you & focus on your family.
• We ran for TEAM IZZY at the JDRF One Walk & raised over $1700! For our small team that was HUGE & I was very happy with those that came out to support us. If you are one of those people, THANK YOU!
• I found out why I have been feeling sick for so long... unfortunately I am allergic to gluten, dairy & eggs. It has been a tough road to add this to my plate, but I have taken it on as best I can & am feeling much better now that these items are cut from my diet. But damn what I wouldn't give for a REAL hamburger bun!
• Izzy did dance throughout the year & had her first recital in December... Her sugar cooperated the entire time & I could not have been happier! I am the first to admit I was a nervous wreck, but she rocked it.
• Izzy's older sisters, K&K did their own things this year, softball & chorus. Both girls rocked it. Kaylee made the All Stars softball team in the summer, Keira had numerous performances & got out of her comfort zone... & Izzy couldn't be happier to watch softball & dance at performances.
• What end of the year winter break isn't complete without sickness? We had our fair share of illnesses around the house, but I am fairly certain we did AWESOME keeping Izzy as healthy as possible.

We also had many issues with diabetes over 2015. Izzy's A1C fluctuated as we battled the flu many times. Then there was the pump malfunctioning & BURNING her while on a road trip which left us without a pump for days, & left me contemplating if we should stay on injections for awhile. Ultimately we went back on the pump, but I am now more cautious of any signs of a malfunction.

It is a new year, a new clean slate. So with that I will be *making every attempt to* blog weekly. I want to get back into not only blogging about motherhood, but the chaos surrounding diabetes & toddler life in general.

Stay tuned for next weeks blog post...

About to get deep y'all....

Today's blog post is about something deep for me. So deep, I am admitting it to the world. Be prepared world.

I AM A HELICOPTER MOM & I AM SICK OF APOLOGIZING FOR IT!

There. I said it. Now, let me explain why this is HUGE for me.

First off, I did not start out with the idea that I was going to be a helicopter parent. I really tried for the first 18 months to let my daughter explore, be independent, find her own style & flair in this crazy world & run with it. But like a bomb going off in my world, T1D reared it's ugly head & our lives were forever changed.

Izzy was diagnosed at 18 months old, still a baby. To me, that means every milestone we would've been working on, every ounce of independence we were beginning to give her... well, I lost sight of. I focused more on blood sugar & counting carbs. Goodness knows how many hours I have spent over the last 10 months dealing with T1D, instead of playing, reading, laughing... I've spent 10 months keeping my baby alive... & hovering.

My husband would probably say I had some helicopter qualities from day one (I am a tad OCD & type A so it just goes with the personality!). I would like to think that I tried very hard to be more free range. But no matter, here I am today, a helicopter Mom.

I don't let Izzy run around without me at the park. I don't let her out of my sight at the softball fields. I still spoon feed her at times because it's just easier... & she still sits in a high chair so she doesn't get into things at meal time. I still wipe down every surface with a Clorox wipe - or baby wipe if we aren't at home - because I know firsthand how hard it is for a T1D child to battle germs. I desperately ensure the proper educational tools are at Izzy's fingertips, so she can thrive & grow as a toddler. I get annoyed when my hubby doesn't watch Izzy like a hawk - which is probably more annoying to him then he will ever admit, bless his heart!

I am sick of other parents criticizing a helicopter Mom for being who they are. I would never criticize a free range Mom, heck I am envious they have - what I believe to be - that luxury. So why are we all so quick to judge one another?!

So when you see me out, don't judge me because I hover. Know that 90% of the time, I am just trying to keep her Dexcom close enough to read her blood sugar & ensure she isn't going low. I want what's best for my daughter, just like any parent out there wants for their kids, no matter their parenting techniques.

No matter what your parenting style is... never apologize for it.

I am a warrior!

As the school year ended I thought we'd have a quiet couple of weeks before summer camps & softball started back up. Sadly, I was wrong (why yes the softball coach decided to start practice TWO WEEKS earlier then we were originally told!!). I also didn't expect to be thrown yet another curve ball.

When Izzy was diagnosed with T1D, I struggled. Heck, I still struggle 10 months later. The 7 stages of grief?! Try 72... because I have repeated those steps over & over again. And when you finally think you have a grasp on things, life throws you another thing to the never ending list.

As many do not know, a couple weeks ago we took Izzy for a speech evaluation. My hubby told me I was overreacting. My family told me it wasn't necessary, she was fine. The pediatrician said we could either wait things out or go for the eval. Our endo was a tad concerned though... No one around me seemed to grasp that I knew something was not right though. Last week, I was told Izzy was being diagnosed with a "developmental delay" following that speech eval. Although anywhere in the 2-3yo age range is where they want to see the mastery of certain sounds, etc. she was still far behind her peers at 2.5yo.

My kid talks. She talks your ear off. But you can't understand 90% of what she is saying. I know the words. My hubby knows the words. But as I look around us at play groups, dance class, story time... she should be saying these easy words that others say, yet it's all gibberish.

After this diagnosis, it was decided she would begin a weekly music speech therapy group & 1:1 sessions every 2-3 weeks. I am fine with that idea. I have tools given to me by professionals.

I have to admit, I've been ashamed that this is going on. I feel like I've done something wrong or somehow done a disservice to Izzy because she cannot say basic words.

I vented to a friend & previous co-worker in the child welfare arena... She said just what I needed to hear, "You are strong. You are a warrior." And she is right! I have come so far with T1D. I will take on this new obstacle & somehow find the strength to master it as well.

It's not easy being told your child isn't developing the way she should. It isn't easy knowing that things are different for her. I have promised myself I will never let my child be a victim of T1D & I won't let another hurdle stand in her way of achieving great things.

I know I need support, so I am reaching out to my own network - which has grown quite small over the last 2 years. If you, too, are going through any stressors in life that you feel ashamed of... DON'T! We are all warriors. We all have an inner strength, sometimes it takes awhile to hone in on it, but it is there. Know that you are not alone in whatever your struggle is, because there is always someone out there who understands.

I hope everyone takes a moment to hug their babies closer & has a great week! I know I will be doing just that. 

School is almost out... JUMP FOR JOY!!

In past years, it was never a secret I dreaded summer. The inevitable "entertain me" attitudes from K & K, the still-waking-up-at-the-butt-crack-of-dawn mentality they had, having to ensure the house was readily stocked with snacks because otherwise they would eat me out of house & home, wondering how to keep to Izzy's schedule while making sure I didn't lose my marbles. Well, this year is different.

I am soooooooooo excited summer is almost here. They have fooooooooour more days of school. (Can you tell I am excited?! Ha.)

The last couple of weeks I have been helping the school plan this...

OSCAR NIGHT 2015

It has been a crazy year, with school events, sports, chorus... not only do I need a break, but I am pretty sure the older girls do too. Izzy could use some sisterly time. I could use some stay-in-my-pjs-until-noon time. We still have sports in the summer & camp, but there's breaks, & it just seems EASY.  At least I hope it is.

I am working more too. I need T1D Dad's help a lot more these days. He is a trooper! :)

Although I am looking forward to having some time with T1D Dad the next couple of days... I am just sooooooo ready for it to be Friday. Bring on the summer!

What do you have planned for the summer?? Share with me via www.fb.com/lifeofat1dmama!

Happy Mother's Day!

I have spent many hours today wondering what to post... what to say to truly empower T1D mama's... to give thanks to a thankless job. I have stared at a blank blog page, while answering 911 calls at another thankless job, most of the day.

As usual, I worked today. A split shift, so I got the late morning/early afternoon off before returning to work. My family took my very amazing mama & I out to lunch, Izzy managed not to have a meltdown, Kaylee only burped once loudly at the table, and my sister (who is childless) got a special mothers day cake from the staff (& of course I in return asked if she had something to tell us!).

I got cards, flowers, homemade gifts from the kids, & not one but TWO bottles of Skinnygirl margarita (to which my hubby explained was a BOGO deal brought to his attention by the fine staff at Safeway - thanks Safeway gal!).

I got to rest in bed, mindlessly checking Facebook on my phone, before returning to work tonight.

Looking back at motherhood, it's tough. I took on the job of loving two girls who were not mine, who deserved nothing short of an amazing mama, & I have done my best to show them what a loving family is. I take care of our home (alright so the play room looks like tornado Izzy swept through it right now), cook, do laundry, & then add in Izzy. She's a NORMAL toddler, with NORMAL toddler behavior. I wouldn't trade her spunk for the world. Motherhood is one hell of a roller coaster, it's not for the weak, it takes patience, strength, and devotion.

Then you add in type one to the mix. Holy moly!

Today I have had several people tell me they don't know how I do it. I have had them say I handle it all with such courage & grace. I am so strong. Well, thank you... but I do not feel this way. I am a HOT MESS! Aren't we all?!

I follow the "Princess and The Pump" blog religiously. I find strength in her words. Today her blog post says what I have been trying to put into words. So I share the message with you:

"I see the you that drags into a darkened bedroom in the middle of the night to test a blood sugar.
I see the you that fights with the insurance company.
I see the you that gets up after only a couple hours of sleep and goes to work all day long.
I see the you still cries - no matter how long it's been.
I see the you whose heart breaks when your child isn't included in something because of T1.
I see the you with tears in your eyes when you have to hold your child down for a shot.
I see the you that is afraid of what might happen in the future.
I see the you that is full of nerves and apprehension - but still a smile - when your T1 is gaining independence.
I still the you that does everything possible to make sure your child is able to do what everyone else does.
I see the you that tirelessly advocates and fundraisers.
I see the you that hurts because of friendships you've lost with people who don't understand this life and it's demands.
I see the you that is letdown - again - when someone you thought would step up and be there for you... isn't.
I see the you that puts everyone else first.
I see the you that thinks that no one notices how hard this job is.  That no one asks how YOU are.  
I see the you that wonders if YOU even exist anymore."

I couldn't have said it better, so I won't say anything else.

Happy Mother's Day!